What The Fuck

I’m supposed to be dead…I think.

I can feel my body shaking and convulsing out of control. The temperature is way below zero and I can feel it from the soles of my feet, up my spine, to a big throbbing in my head.

Damn, my head hurts.

My skin feels so cold that it’s hot.

Suddenly, my eyes pop open and a cold breeze rushes up my nose. I inhale and the faint smell of sativa and orange flavored freeze pops invade my spirit. I look down and I can see my naked body glistening as if I’d been rubbed down with high quality body oil.

The breeze continues to move fast as I quickly rise to a seated position. Seeing the shadow of a man approaching me, I quickly got up. I look around this dark room and even though I can tell that my eyes are opened, I can’t get a good look at his face. The sense of smell intensifies as the fragrance of frankincense and myrrh grow stronger.

As the man gets closer, I can feel a force landing on my cheek, and pushing my head to the side. My head turns and before he can land another blow, I put up both of my arms to block him. His punches hurt my forearm and I notice that I am struggling to breathe.

Maybe I am dead.

I’m not going to let this motherfucker beat the shit out of me so I quickly give the man a punch to his chest. I sent a right to his head but I missed. His left landed perfectly on my lips. I could taste the blood from my gums and my lips. I continued swinging and felt my fist land on his face.

The man stepped back and I got a good look at him. The caramel syrup five foot ten, one hundred and eighty six pound muscular frame made my dick jump and my hole twitch. As I briefly admired his proud almond shaped eyes, full, thick nose and soup cooler lips, I wished he was on top of me giving me a different kind of beating. I quickly noticed the large knots on his temples.

As much as I admired his facial features and his well-defined body, I had to remember that I was at war. I refused to let this motherfucker beat the shit out of me. I tried to scan my surroundings but I couldn’t figure out where we were. I quickly got up and I ran toward him. This time I was going to be the aggressor. I pounced on him like a panther, reached into my inner MMA-spirit, and started whaling on him. Left check, right cheek, my fist dug into his face. Blood spurted like waterfalls, I was definitely faded. I wanted to see if I could push his teeth down his throat. My dick got hard as I was rocking his boat.

“Enough!” I heard a voice command but I kept going. This motherfucker wanted a war and I was gonna bring it to him.

“I SAID ENOUGH!!!” I choked as I felt a strong grip on my throat. A baby boy lost his breath. I looked down and saw my assailant’s lifeless body floating on the ground. I looked up and found my feet kicking air as I was still being elevated from the ground.

I couldn’t see the arm from the hand that had gripped me. I felt my throat closing in and my nose working overtime to get air into my system. I looked to my right and noticed my assailant has been lifted up too. He was no longer breathing and his face was being restored to normal. I could no longer taste blood in my mouth.

The two of us were placed on the ground and we were standing and facing whatever it was that changed our atmosphere. I looked around and still couldn’t figure out where we were at. All I saw were the two of us in the middle of space. I tried to move forward, but found my feet planted on new ground.

“Yo, what’s going on?“ I have no idea what’s ahead. All I see is a blinding light shining ahead of me.

“You would think after six hundred years, the two of you would learn to get along.” A collective of voices replied.

Six hundred years, the fuck.

“Yes, the fuck!” The collective of voices replied and I swear if I had bowels, I would’ve taken a shit right there. ”It has been awhile since the two of you have been in our presence at the same time. We agreed after you’ve a failed to avenge your murder in your previous lifetime, that we would give the two of you a break.”

I’m scared to think. The last thing I need for whatever this is is to give me a face I cannot handle.

“Who are you?” The other man asked.

“We are Entity, we rule this side of the marketplace where reincarnation happens.”

So I am dead, oh shit.

“You’ve been dead for five years, March.” They answered another one of my thoughts.

“This isn’t Hell, is it?” I asked. I don’t remember dying. As I looked down at my frame, I didn’t look like I made it to forty.

”No this is not Hell. In this part of the marketplace, we begin to prepare souls for reincarnation. Most souls re-enter earth as new beings, sometimes part of the same bloodline they were previously born in, other times new blood lines are created to maintain a healthy population on earth.” Entity spoke as more of our surrounding was revealed to us. The distinct smell of antiseptic and faint traces of baby powder brought on sad memories. I had memories of my sister April and my last time seeing her in a building like this.

“Where is April? I would like to see my twin, with your permission sir…ma’am. No disrespect but I don’t know how to address you.” I inquired.

“We speak as one.” Entity replied. “We are neither male or female—as technically on this side of Eternity, neither are you. However, the masculinity you’ve enjoyed for most of your lifetimes is very pronounced.

“To answer your question, you will not be seeing your sister for approximately two hundred years, when you two will finally complete the purpose of your life.”

“What about me?” The man beside me asked.

A part of me gave a damn. Apparently, all I knew was that in a previous lifetime or so, that I don’t remember, he’s killed me before. I guess that explains the reason he attacked me upon recognizing me. I don’t remember this man, what I’d done to deserve such hatred or where we crossed paths. I hate that he’s sexy to me—I don’t know if he was always like that. I wonder if I was gay in a previous lifetime?

“This is where it gets interesting—yes, March, you were hella gay in a previous lifetime—look ahead.”

The smells started to make sense. We were in a hospital. In front of us, was the body of the man who was standing next to me. Oh shit. A tube was inserted into his nose and connected to a machine helping his body to breathe. The rhythmic, high-pitched beeping nose made its presence known every two seconds. A blanket covered this man’s whole body, except for his left shoulder, which revealed another set of tubes and a green hospital gown underneath.

“What the fuck?!?! How did I end up here?!?!” The man cursed.

Neither of us could move and watching him struggle to lift his legs in whatever substance had us paralyzed made me feel sorry for him.

“Chief Julius Roberts, your story is a bit more interesting. To answer your question, we are going to go back to your last moments on earth eight years ago that led to this moment.”

The hospital room with his body disappeared for a minute. A new scene was in my peripheral. I don’t know how they did it, but I know they’ll be giving me instructions down the line. I found myself able to walk and as I soon as I moved forward, I nearly tripped. I looked down and noticed I stumbled upon a tombstone.

“I would watch my step,“ the Entity warned me, after the fact, “you’re going to witness the last few moments of Chief’s life. Trust us, you’ll want to move to the side.”

I stepped over and I almost bumped into a darker skinned man who bore a strong resemblance to Chief. The man had on a torn t-shirt and baggy black jeans. His black Sketcher brand work boots were muddied. I moved next to a tree and I could see a black knife being tossed his way. The man kicked the knife and reached into his back packet and pulled out his own.

“I’m gonna gut you like I did that bitch ass brother of ours.” Chief promised as he viscously flicked the knife in his hand. Chief attempted two jabs at his reflection and missed.

“Jester was my brother, not yours.” The man bitterly replied.

Chief moved fast and efficiently, immediately scoring two slashes on the man’s chest and one on his face. The man was able to block the one coming for his chest and scored a good blow to Chief’s thigh.

“Motherfuckin’ cheat, face and chest blows bitch.” Chief hunched down to attend to the knife lodged into his thigh with his right hand. He still swung wildly with his left, effectively keeping his opponent at bay. The man backed away slowly so he could reach for his gun. He made it to where the gun had landed. He checked the chamber and seen that there was one in there…perfect.

Chief saw that the man was a little distracted and reached for the gun in his waist. Before he could pull the trigger, three shots could be heard from a distance, bringing both men down to the ground.

“Aww…SHIT!” The man yelled as the impact of the bullet ripped through the front of his right shoulder and exiting his back sent him hurling backwards, dropping the gun in his hand and his body landing on another tombstone, his head crashing harder against the tombstone than it did when Chief mushed him. The impact of the bullet next to his heart shocked him as he looked down as saw his own blood leaking from the hole.

Chief wasn’t able to make a sound as the bullet entered from the left of his temple and exited at an angle of his right temple. Blood and brain matter leaking instantly as his body leaned back and made a light splat on the ground.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!” The man yelled and cried as he held his shoulder. When he turned over to see Chief, he was even madder that the motherfucker was dead and not by his hand. The man felt his ribs cave in as the force of a foot moved him a few inches.

“I told you I was gonna get you back nigga!” Another man raged as he stood over the man in pain. “And I told you to stay the fuck out of my business!”

The man Chief had been fighting watched as the mystery man walked over to Chief’s corpse. He stood over Chief’s body and shot him on his left hand. “That’s for Jester.”

He let another shot off on his right hand. “That’s for Shakespeare.”

The man shot randomly at seven random spots on Chief’s body but the last two shots he saved for his crouch. “And that’s for raping me when I was eleven you fucking faggot.”

He pulled the trigger some more but just heard the gun click. “Shit!” He screamed as he punched Chief’s face. “Yeah motherfucker, I told you I was gonna get you back!”

“What a way to go out.”

When I looked at Chief’s spirit, I noticed that his wounds reappeared. I licked my teeth and my lips and for now, I was still unscathed. A few seconds later, I heard Chief yell out in agony as his body shook and seizure violently. I was scared, I felt fine at that moment but I didn’t know what Entity had planned for me.

“Send me back!” Chief barked as he gripped his head tightly. He looked at his hands and then held his head tightly. “I’m killing King bitch ass! I don’t care if he’s my brother! Him and Detective Bitchass! Ayo, what I got to do to go…”

Before Chief could finish his thought, he found himself in the same chokehold I had been in earlier. “We are not one of your punk ass friends!” Entity barked as I witnessed Chief get tossed back to the ground. “We are one with God and you will learn to respect us—or you will not like what happens next!”

I heard someone blow air and it got cold all over again. I closed my eyes and when I reopened them, I found ourselves back into the hospital room. Chief’s body still connected to the ventilator.

“As we have told you before, we are in charge of reincarnation. What happens is that once you die you do transition on earth for about forty days, give or take based on your situation. Then you cross over. Once you cross over, you are judged. You’ll receive rewards for your good deeds, you’ll reap what you sow for bad ones. Then you are told whether or not you have completed your mission. For most beings, it takes a few lifetimes to get adjusted to earth and her bullshit, and then a few lifetimes to complete the mission.”

“That’s a long time.” I responded. I could picture myself going through the process over and over and over again until I got it right.

“But that is what people do March,“ Entity answered my thought. “They repeat the process over and over and over again until they get it right. After that, they elevate.

“Normally, in the reincarnation process, we let you settle spiritual debts here, have time to guide a descendant or two, then we put you through a process to re-enter earth. However, in this particular case, we’ll be doing things different.

“March, in six hundred years, you have never gotten past the age of thirty-five. When you weren’t dying as a child, you’ve always been murdered. We feel that after seven chances, we want you to experience a whole life. Normally, we don’t spoil the reincarnation process, but you won’t remember all of this anyway. After you finish this life, you will live a full life your next lifetime and see the ripe old age of ninety-two. But in order for you to have the tools you need for that lifetime, we are first going to send you back to this one.”

All of this was new and scary. I’ve been murdered, every lifetime? I really don’t know what to say to that. I mean of course I am appreciative of the opportunity to finish a life, but this reincarnation idea is not what’s scary per se. I still don’t know where I am. I’ve never heard of this place on earth, and to be honest I really don’t remember any of my past lifetimes. Given all this information, I would like to know what happened in each of them. Maybe there’s something I did that can change the course.

“Chief, you have murdered this man in three of his lifetimes, two of which were unjustified.” Entity spoke.

I wondered what I’d done to have justified being murdered.

“The third time was a sacrifice that we are allowing you to correct at this moment before we give you a final judgment. We have decided for March to have a chance to continue his life in your present body. You will remain with us and serve as his mentor and guide. You’ve lived two full lifetimes so you’ll be able to guide him to old age. He will need your knowledge to know how to interact with your friends and enemies.”

“Um, excuse me, you’re going to put my soul, into his body?” I interrupted for clarification. I never heard of this before.

“Yes, the process has taken a year for us, but for you, you’ll wake up as Chief Julius Roberts in about five minutes. You will not speak on the change to anyone on earth. You will have bits and pieces of your current subconscious, but we will be merging your identity with his over the next six months. As we said before, you will live the rest of your life in this man’s refurbished body, and he will spend the next forty years or so guiding you from this side.”

I walked over to Chief’s body and as I touched his shoulder, I felt a chill on mine. I lifted up the sheets to inspect the goods and with the exception of one area, I was pleased.

“Can I get a bigger dick?” I asked, sounding more like Chief and less like myself. I remember having a large one and using it in my past lifetime.

“The one on this body works just fine. “ Entity scolded. “You will adjust to being a taller man and you will be able to maintain the fit lifestyle you are accustomed to. You will adapt to a new family and new way of living—but you will run into his and your old acquaintances, and through dreams, visions and spiritual interpretations, Chief will guide you.”

“So that’s it?” Chief asked, but the words came out of my mouth.

“His success and failures from here on out count toward your judgement. For your sake, you better help him make wise choices. Best of luck to both of you.”

I felt my spirit being pushed and I seemed to have fallen deep into an Olympic-size pool. I saw the bottom of the floor and then I touched it. I propelled myself up waddling as I chased the light. I continued moving through the water like a dolphin swimming to the shore. Once I reached the light, I jumped up from the water and before I could take a breath, I felt a punch to my gut and my body falling back into the water.

The machines grew louder and buzzed frequently as I felt my eyes open. The septic and alcohol smells grew stronger. My nose itched but I couldn’t lift my finger to scratch. The machine was helping me breathe and I tried to keep up with it. It took every ounce of strength I had to lift my head up. I could see the needles in my arms and the machines attached to them.

“He’s up! He’s up! Mr. Roberts is awake.”

I could hear all the noise as a few people ran into my room. I put my head down and I struggled to lift it up again. I don’t remember where I am, but I think this is a hospital.

Whatever this is, who am I and why am I here?

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